It's a little strange...

So Taya and I are getting married in less than two months. We're ready; we have lots to do, but the details aren't too hard to manage right now. In a month, maybe we'll be tearing our hair out. But now, not too bad. The strangest thing is thinking about how things might change after the wedding. We've been together for five years, so I don't think that the structure of our relationship will change too much, at least in any significant way. I don't find myself nervous about how we will act differently toward each other; we have pretty much ironed out all the big issues between us. The marriage certificate is, in my view, only a surface formality of commitment. It's only a piece of paper, really, a piece of paper issued by the state that sanctions our union. Blah, blah, truth. But the real thing that I am looking forward to is the deepening of my feelings for Taya--which are already at a point where I think of "us" in a kind of metaphysical togetherness kind of way. But there are the little details that I look forward to: using the words "husband" and "wife," making long term plans for house and babies, thinking about the future in a way that includes not only me and Taya and our careers, but also leaving a space for dreaming and creativity. I think that the biggest thing that will change is that a kind of potentiality will open up--a space that allows for our own, individual potential, but also for a kind of shared potential. A space in which we can play with ideas about the future, discard the ones that seem unlikely or unrealistic, and develop the plans that seem right.

We went out with our friends Tod and Jen last night. They are great and fun and models, in a way, for us. They've been married for...how long?...seven years? eight? And they have developed a really cool and admirable life for themselves; they have two awesome kids, a house, a couple of yuppie cars. They have all the trappings of success and a solid middle-class life. But they've also retained a sense of fun and spontaneity and youthfulness--as well as a compassion for other people that I find refreshing. Plus, Todd is the only one I know, besides my friend Lisa, who can keep up with me as regards knowledge of pop culture. So kudos to T & Jen.

One final thought about the changes after the wedding issue: One sits in a coffee shop and blogs about a single relationship. Then you look up, pause, look around at all the people sitting and standing about. You think about all the varied emotions and characteristics that connect the pairs and groups of people together. Every relationship is an idiosyncratic thing, and these connected entities walk around all day, with each other and alone. But you see these people in the coffee shop, and in the present moment, every one of these people have traveled through much different psychological landscapes to arrive together. How did they all get together? you think. But that's not the point. The point is that relationships evolve over time and it's important to remember that change is good and healthy and needed, you think.